We Are Santa's Mutant Elves
by Red Witch
Summary: It just wouldn't be Christmas without a little Wolverine torture wouldn't it?


**The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any X-Men or songs from Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is off to the Reindeer Games! The song is a parody of 'We Are Santa's Elves' from that holiday special. Just a mad little fic to usher in the holiday season. **

**We Are Santa's Mutant Elves**

Up at the North Pole the snowflakes glistened as they gently fell. The snowmen sang Christmas Carols. The reindeer danced around with glee. The candy cane forest was especially peaceful.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Too bad the same could not be said for Santa's Workshop.

"ALL RIGHT! WHO BLEW UP THE CHRISTMAS TREE **THIS **TIME?" Head Elf Logan shouted. He was wearing a dark green elf outfit with an elf hat with a feather sticking out of it. "Will you slackers knock it off with the fooling around and get back to work?"

_"Ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho, ho! We are Santa's mutant elves!"_ The X-Men and Brotherhood in colorful elf costumes sang as they worked. Or well…Did things other than work.

_"We work hard all day,"_ Pietro sang as he neglected a pile of toys and did his nails.

_"For us destruction is play!"_ Tabitha sang as she threw some energy bombs into a pile of teddy bears. Stuffing flew all over the room.

_"Playing with toys while Wolverine we annoy! We are Santa's mutant elves!"_ Kurt and Todd rode by on two trains. Two trains that crashed into each other.

_"We've got a special job each year_," Pyro sang as he happily burned down a Christmas tree.

_"Putting fires out!"_ Bobby the Snowman put out the fire.

_"Causing mayhem and getting in fights is what a mutant Christmas is all about!"_ Several New Mutants started throwing toys at each other.

"Stop the singing!" Logan tried to block his ears. "Please for the love of holly berries **stop the singing!"**

_"Santa Xavier knows who's good! Being a telepath he should!"_ Fred the big elf smiled as he ate every candy cane in sight.

_"Be good you betcha or we're gonna get ya! We are Santa's Mutant Elves!"_ The mutants sang as they kept throwing toys and goofing around. _"Ho ho ho! Oh no no no! We are Santa's mutant elves!"_

BOOOOOOOOOOOM!

"There goes another wall," Kurt quipped.

"Will you stop it! Just stop it or else you'll all get put on the Naughty List permanently!" Logan shouted.

"We already are," Pyro skipped by carrying a doll. "Oh you gotta see my latest toy! Baby Burps Fire!"

Pyro pushed a button and the doll spit out fire. "AAAAH!" Logan barley missed getting burned.

"Cool huh?" Pyro asked.

"Hey at least it's better than that Toad Doll that spits out slime," Scott called out.

"You're the same nut who made those ostrich riding cowboys and that Charley in the Box aren't you?" Logan growled. "Why did I take this job? I **hate **the holidays! Why?"

"Tell me about it," Kitty the Elf snapped. "I'm Jewish! Why am I working here?"

"Because you burned down the kitchen," Scott told her.

"I did **not!"** Kitty stomped her foot. "I only blew it up a little! Pyro's the one who burned it down! What was left of it anyway!"

"Hey Boss we got a problem," Lance wearing a brown elf outfit walked up to them. "The other reindeer have been giving Rudy a hard time again and you know what **that** means!"

BOOOOOOOOOOM!

"You all don't want me to play your games huh? How about this reindeer play a game with **you?**" A familiar Cajun voice shouted out. "The game is called 'How Much Venison Can Rudolph Blow Up With His Powers?'"

BOOOOOOOOOOM!

"There goes Blitzen," Hank looked outside. "All over the front lawn."

"Never liked that one much anyway," Pyro said. "I'll go fire up the barbecue."

"One good perk about being an elf," Fred grinned. "We always have plenty of food."

"This can **not** be my life…" Logan groaned.

"Uh Boss, about these toy robot dolls," Rogue the Elf walked up to them. "We have a problem."

"For crying out loud what now?" Logan grumbled as he followed her. He went outside and looked up. "Oh crap."

"They're a little big," Rogue remarked as they stared at the thirty foot tall giant Sentinels with Santa hats on their heads. "I don't think they're gonna fit in the sleigh."

"HO HO HO!" The Sentinels' eyes glowed and they shot out lasers from their hands directly at Logan.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Wolverine shot out of his bed in a cold sweat. "Oh my head…What a weird dream. Makes me miss my Weapon X nightmares!"

He then looked at the half eaten cookie on his dresser. "Oh great! Now I remember!" Wolverine sighed. "I know I say this every year, but this time I **mean it**! No more letting Kitty and Jean cook holiday cookies while watching Christmas cartoons!"

**Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays Everyone!**

**Red Witch**


End file.
